So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
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