im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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