please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
