i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
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