my sisters under your porch take her home
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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