We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Just high enough for therapy.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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