A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
