All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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