i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
They have beer where we have blood.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
