Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
