At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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