Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
