i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
