i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
