Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
