Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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