Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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