Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
