They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
