dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
She's JV to your varsity
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
