just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
This baby is an asshole
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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