is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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