mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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