And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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