You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize