When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize