I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize