Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
