you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
