Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
