I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
