We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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