I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
