so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
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