Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
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