my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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