I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
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