I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
