my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
Randomize
