Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It's blow job season.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
