My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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