Sry I called you an 8
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
