i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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