Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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