So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
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