I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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