Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
