So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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