Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
