Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize