mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize
