do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
