Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I booty called her while she was in labor.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
