Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
