I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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