there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
