we have pet lesbian snakes
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Randomize
