I'm laying in your front yard are you home
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Randomize
