god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
