well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
