her vagine was all disorganized.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
