I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize