True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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