Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
