I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
