omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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