I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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