flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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