you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
